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Your Dog's New Year's Resolutions

  1. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
  2. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
  3. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
  4. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
  5. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
  6. I will not eat the cats' food, before, or after, they eat it.
  7. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.
  8. I will not throw up in the car.
  9. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
  10. The litter box is not a cookie jar.
  11. I will not wake up Mommy by putting my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.
  12. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
  13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think that I am hemorrhaging.
  14. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
  15. I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of someone who is sitting on the toilet.
  16. We do not have a doorbell. Therefore, I will not bark each time I hear one on the television.
  17. I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with them.
  18. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.
  19. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
  20. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.


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